Chia I hardly Know'a - Part II

Cherry killer. Qu'est-ce que c'est

I had to wait a couple of days to actually try this, because I was too lazy busy to get to the store to buy cherries. Which, being one of five ingredients, I think was pretty essential for this dessert.

And the results:

Meh. (Originally this post read 'bleeeeeecccch', but then I decided to be more generous...) The cherries tasted good. But then, it's hard to ruin cherries.

As far as the rest of it goes - it was just barely edible. AND IT WAS CHOCOLATE! (Can you sense my rage and disbelief through my use of caps?)

Also, it separated. Excuse me, Miss Pinterest Liar, did you instruct me to mix it? No? I didn't think so. Well, it completely separated, and it tasted like crunchy tapioca soy milk soup. And NOT in a good way.

J'accuse, Pureela, j'accuse.

Furthermore, myyyyyyyyy husband, Pureela, who is not difficult and not allergic to green and quite likes health food said, and I quote, "it would probably be fine if you added a bunch of sugar to it." (To which I responded, "well, anything would be fine if you add a bunch of sugar to it.")

Still, if you were a vegan, gluten-free, pure foods, paleo-eating person, I suppose this would be considered edible. But then again, if you are a vegan gluten free paleo person, you are almost certainly not my acquaintance, and there is no way you would be reading this. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Sure it LOOKS pretty...

However, because yours truly HATES throwing out food, even this must be made edible. Somehow.  So I'm going to try adding sugar to it, maybe some yogurt, throwing it in the blender, molding it into popsicles, and calling it a day. Surely that'll make it edible, right?

Right??

It looks like this post is going to need to become a three-parter. Next up, I'm going to fix this. I still have lots of chia seeds to use. I also happen to have some real milk and sugar. Trying this again, but with real food.

In the meanwhile, dear readers, anybody got some dirt and socks?

TO BE CONTINUED MORE.
 

Chocolate Cherry Chia Pudding

Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT, try this at home. Unless you want to be disappointed. Or unless you suspect me of being a liar. Which is fine, but I'm not.

Of course, if you are a gluten-free, paleo person who sadly does not believe in sugar, then you've got nothing else to eat, so go for it.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cup non-dairy milk
1/4 cup chia seeds (look for powdered chia seeds if you want a smooth texture)
3 tablespoons raw cacao powder
2-3 tablespoons organic agave nectar or other natural liquid sweetener
1/2 cup cherries, pitted and sliced + extra for plating

additional toppings : extra cherries, raw cacao nibs, dark chocolate shavings (use 70% dark chocolate or higher)

Directions :

1. In a bowl or large mug, stir together the first 4 ingredients: milk, chia seeds, raw cacao and agave and refrigerate for at least 4 hours or overnight.
2. Just before serving, separate into 4 serving dishes, top with sliced cherries and garnish with raw cacao chips, dark chocolate shavings and extra whole cherries and enjoy! (Liar! Argh. I hate lies.)

Chia? I Hardly Know'a

Ladies and gentlemen, I've done it.

I have gone and bought the singular most bizarre thing I have ever bought in a food store, and that includes the time I went looking for mace.

That's right. I bought chia seeds.

What ARE you??

I bought these seeds for what looks like the absolute most disgusting...I mean, ahem, healthful, recipe I have ever seen on the Internet, bar none (well, none outside thisiswhyyourefat.com and buzzfeed lists about things the Russians eat.) If it weren't for the cherries, I don't think it would have anything in it I consider food.

And that recipe...is this. Chocolate-Cherry Chia Pudding. Sounds so friendly and harmless in the title, right? It claims to be 'sugar-free, gluten-free, vegan-friendly and clean.'

I mean, so's my cat, but I wouldn't want to eat her.

But, the blogging pinteresting lady who posted this SWORE on the graves of her ancestors that even her "difficult" husband who is "allergic" to green foods thought this recipe was, and I quote, "actually good."

We'll see about that.

That's right, ladies and gents. I'm going to try this. I'm going to take one for the team. I'm going to put chia in my food.

Tomorrow, I fully expect that either I will have grown a cape and be able to fly, or I will be the proud owner of a plant-pet. Either way, I will let you know if this is a lie, a damned lie, or, indeed, actually edible.

...TO BE CONTINUED