Chia Part III - In Which There is a Picture of a Cat

As promised.

My apologies for the clearly staged cat there.

I fixed the chia. That doesn't mean that I'm done with the chia, I think there's more to be done and explored, and so many people have commented with potential things I can do with the rest of my bunch of chia seeds (and that's not even including the ones who suggested I give it to them.), that clearly, there is more experimenting to be done.

Just, maybe, not quite yet. I gots other things to write. Like homemade marshmallows, for example, which are much yummier if homemade and not nearly as complicated as one would think.

But before we get there. I fixed the chia tapioca soy milk soup.

How, you ask?

First, I tortured it a bit. Yes, I did things to it that one really should not do to food. I'm sorry, chia. I froze it, then refridgerated it, then refroze it, then defrosted it. It was not happy with me, but it did bend to my will. So ha.

Then, I added a bunch of sugar, some milk, some more cocoa, and a secret ingredient that I will reveal below. And I made them into popsicles. (I want to say that most anything can be made edible by turning them into popsicles, but that's not even remotely true. Like, mac and cheese popsicles would be DISGUSTING. So I can't say that. Fortunately, this is not disgusting at all. It's actually pretty good.)

I like how the strewn mint makes this look fancy

It does have that slight taste of 'huh I think there's something healthy in here but I can't white figure out what...' so if you're looking for a way too sneak more chia seeds into your kids diet, this is it. It's ever so slightly grainy. But - it's chocolate. So, chocolate.

Now, I'm going to share my trick for making things edible aka my trick for turning almost dead fruit into yummy popsicles with you. It might sound ridiculous and like something only unemployed food bloggers do, but I assure you (and this is coming from me, the non-liar), it's quick, it's easy, and it's worth it.

It - is syrup.

In this case, mint syrup, but also basil syrup, ginger syrup. And lord knows what other kinds of other syrups you can make, but I haven't tried everything yet.

This is why you should make syrup:

• We've already discussed how I hate throwing things out. This happens to me a lot with herbs. You buy a bunch, use a handful, and still have herbs coming out the wazoo. Or, you only used the leafs, and still have tons of stalk. You make syrup.
• You hate the taste of water and buying tons of coke is EXPENSIVE. This will save you so much money.
• You have a soda stream and just recently noticed that all their syrups contain aspartame. EWWWWWW. Syrup uses sugar. Yum. (I'm not gonna say it's good for you, but at least it's not aspartame. Ew.)

Making syrup really is actually easy, and then you can stick them into those convenient squeeze bottles and stick them in your fridge and they last forever. The Internet thinks they only last a week. I think the Internet is wrong. It's sugar. Doesn't sugar preserve things?

Here is the recipe for syrup, and you do not need any special equipment. If you don't have a convenient squeeze bottle you can even use a jar. (OMG did I just say you could use a jar?!?? That is SOOO unpinteresty of me.)

Chocolate popsicles. I has them.

Simple Syrup recipe

1 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup herbs or a bunch of herbs or a bunch of ginger peels that you didn't want to throw away

1. Combine all ingredients in a small pot. 
2. Cook on low heat. Stir occasionally until sugar dissolves.
3. Remove from heat and let cool completely.
4. Use a colander and/or a cheesecloth (see why you should buy a cheesecloth?) and strain. The easiest way to do this is to pour into something with a spout, and then from that into a jar or squeeze bottle.
5. Make popsicles

Chia I hardly Know'a - Part II

Cherry killer. Qu'est-ce que c'est

I had to wait a couple of days to actually try this, because I was too lazy busy to get to the store to buy cherries. Which, being one of five ingredients, I think was pretty essential for this dessert.

And the results:

Meh. (Originally this post read 'bleeeeeecccch', but then I decided to be more generous...) The cherries tasted good. But then, it's hard to ruin cherries.

As far as the rest of it goes - it was just barely edible. AND IT WAS CHOCOLATE! (Can you sense my rage and disbelief through my use of caps?)

Also, it separated. Excuse me, Miss Pinterest Liar, did you instruct me to mix it? No? I didn't think so. Well, it completely separated, and it tasted like crunchy tapioca soy milk soup. And NOT in a good way.

J'accuse, Pureela, j'accuse.

Furthermore, myyyyyyyyy husband, Pureela, who is not difficult and not allergic to green and quite likes health food said, and I quote, "it would probably be fine if you added a bunch of sugar to it." (To which I responded, "well, anything would be fine if you add a bunch of sugar to it.")

Still, if you were a vegan, gluten-free, pure foods, paleo-eating person, I suppose this would be considered edible. But then again, if you are a vegan gluten free paleo person, you are almost certainly not my acquaintance, and there is no way you would be reading this. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Sure it LOOKS pretty...

However, because yours truly HATES throwing out food, even this must be made edible. Somehow.  So I'm going to try adding sugar to it, maybe some yogurt, throwing it in the blender, molding it into popsicles, and calling it a day. Surely that'll make it edible, right?

Right??

It looks like this post is going to need to become a three-parter. Next up, I'm going to fix this. I still have lots of chia seeds to use. I also happen to have some real milk and sugar. Trying this again, but with real food.

In the meanwhile, dear readers, anybody got some dirt and socks?

TO BE CONTINUED MORE.
 

Chocolate Cherry Chia Pudding

Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT, try this at home. Unless you want to be disappointed. Or unless you suspect me of being a liar. Which is fine, but I'm not.

Of course, if you are a gluten-free, paleo person who sadly does not believe in sugar, then you've got nothing else to eat, so go for it.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 cup non-dairy milk
1/4 cup chia seeds (look for powdered chia seeds if you want a smooth texture)
3 tablespoons raw cacao powder
2-3 tablespoons organic agave nectar or other natural liquid sweetener
1/2 cup cherries, pitted and sliced + extra for plating

additional toppings : extra cherries, raw cacao nibs, dark chocolate shavings (use 70% dark chocolate or higher)

Directions :

1. In a bowl or large mug, stir together the first 4 ingredients: milk, chia seeds, raw cacao and agave and refrigerate for at least 4 hours or overnight.
2. Just before serving, separate into 4 serving dishes, top with sliced cherries and garnish with raw cacao chips, dark chocolate shavings and extra whole cherries and enjoy! (Liar! Argh. I hate lies.)

Chia? I Hardly Know'a

Ladies and gentlemen, I've done it.

I have gone and bought the singular most bizarre thing I have ever bought in a food store, and that includes the time I went looking for mace.

That's right. I bought chia seeds.

What ARE you??

I bought these seeds for what looks like the absolute most disgusting...I mean, ahem, healthful, recipe I have ever seen on the Internet, bar none (well, none outside thisiswhyyourefat.com and buzzfeed lists about things the Russians eat.) If it weren't for the cherries, I don't think it would have anything in it I consider food.

And that recipe...is this. Chocolate-Cherry Chia Pudding. Sounds so friendly and harmless in the title, right? It claims to be 'sugar-free, gluten-free, vegan-friendly and clean.'

I mean, so's my cat, but I wouldn't want to eat her.

But, the blogging pinteresting lady who posted this SWORE on the graves of her ancestors that even her "difficult" husband who is "allergic" to green foods thought this recipe was, and I quote, "actually good."

We'll see about that.

That's right, ladies and gents. I'm going to try this. I'm going to take one for the team. I'm going to put chia in my food.

Tomorrow, I fully expect that either I will have grown a cape and be able to fly, or I will be the proud owner of a plant-pet. Either way, I will let you know if this is a lie, a damned lie, or, indeed, actually edible.

...TO BE CONTINUED