Wednesday, May 28, 2014

He ain't pretty, but he's chocolate.

I don't know about you guys, but as a general rule, after dinner I want something sweet. (Obviously, we NEVER have things like cookies or candies or cakes or whatnot around that house. Obviously.)

It's unfortunate for my weight, but there you have it.

Also unfortunate for my weight, is that some darned person posted this darned recipe on my sister-in-law's status a while ago. Even more unfortunately, I remembered it, I bookmarked it, and I keep making it.

By it, I refer, of course, to a single portion brownie-in-a-mug. Practically instant, made with ingredients I generally have on hand, cooked in a microwave.


It ain't pretty. It ain't low on calories or fat (I actually haven't dared to calculate it.) It probably ain't good for you.

But - it's chocolate. So it'll do.

Microwave Chocolate Mug Brownie

Serves: 1 (haha! One very hungry one. You're gonna want to share. Or get fat.)

Yield: 1 brownie
2 tablespoons butter, melted
2 tablespoons milk
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 dash salt
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour

Website Directions:
  1. In a 12 oz coffee mug, add milk, butter, vanilla and dash of salt. Whisk well.
  2. Add cocoa powder, whisk well. Add sugar, whisk well. Add flour, whisk well.
  3. Microwave for 60 to 90 seconds. Center should be slightly molten. Careful not to overcook.
  4. Enjoy with a spoon. Careful brownie will be hot.

Real Directions:
  1. (Seriously, And what, exactly is gonna happen if I put it in a 16 oz. coffee mug? Oh, the horror!)
  2. Melt butter in the mug. Because, seriously, the melting the butter is kinda part of the recipe. And, I don't know about you all, but I find it to be a serious pain in the butt (you can't spell butter without butt) to measure out a tablespoon of butter. If you want to be really anal, go to a butter conversion website and do it by weight, but if you're like me and lazy and really want your dose of chocolate - eyeball it. 
  3. Mix in the milk, vanilla, salt, and stir with fork.
  4. ONLY NOW may you mix in the cocoa, sugar, flour. I'm not really sure what would happen if you mix everything at once. Probably the apocalypse. If you do it and survive, let me know. 
  5. Microwave as needed. Our microwave is strong like bull. Yours may not be. It might take a minute, it might take 90 seconds, it might take more. Who knows. Well, hopefully you do, because otherwise you would be regularly burning yourself and your food in your microwave. 
  6. Enjoy with A FORK. Or a spoon. Think for yourself. Don't let silly food websites tell you what to think. 
 It ain't pretty, but it's chocolate.

That is, I really hope it's chocolate.

Lies, Damned lies, and Pinterest

Here's the thing, I actually really love Pinterest.

I didn't understand the point of it at first. "Another social media thing? But just the links? Wait, so it's just for pictures? I don't get it."

Then I got into DIY, and then I got it.

But here's the other thing: I really hate lies. All kinds of lies - little white lies, damned lies, and gross exaggerations. I hate being told something is super-simple....if you have a candy thermometer and a flame thrower. I hate being told I'm going to get 50 tips to get my home beautiful while spending under a dollar, and finding out it's actually 50 links, each of which will require me to reload a page. Slowly and carefully, and will take me until next Tuesday. I hate being told I can sew all my own clothes in under half an hour, but clicking on the link and discovering that that's only if I have a sewing machine. Hellllooo?? Who has a sewing machine anymore??

And so, I created this blog. To call out those Pinterest lies. To sew that damned dress from scratch, even if it takes 8 hours. To boldly go where no blogger has gone before.

A little about myself:

I *could* be a classical pinteresting lady. I am, in many ways, Martha Stewarts and Betty crocker's secret love child. I make bread from scratch, I compost, I buy organic (but only because I'm lazy and they deliver to my door and then I don't have to decide what vegetables to buy), I'm anti-consumerist, and most of my clothes come from clothing swaps.

I'm not a home-schooling mom, I don't really know the right way around a drill, and I do not have a composting toilet (despite my mother's encouragement that they're not really that gross.) Also, I kill plants.

This is my blog.